RIDICULAM: Colorado dispensary offering corsages made of weed

Kincaid

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In response to Kentucky Fried Chicken’s new controversial fried chicken wrist corsage just in time for the prom season, local Denver marijuana dispensary The Frosted Leaf has introduced a new line of these wrist-worn prom accessories made entirely out of the hallucinogenic dry plant.

Earlier this month, The Frosted Leaf discovered that a local KFC franchise in Louisville, Kentucky teamed up with local flower shop Nanz and Kraft to redesign the small wearable flower bouquet by placing a piece of fried chicken in the center. According to Frosted Leaf owner and cannabis-utilizer Jerry Robinson, the dispensary has taken that kind of creativity a step further.

“Now, marijuana is the fried chicken, and everything else, if you get what I’m saying,” said a red-eyed Robinson.

The Frosted Leaf made these accessories available on Sunday, April 20, and it has already attracted much attention from the high school students in Denver as well as other surrounding “green” cities. Statistics indicate that over 80% of these students consider the rock band Sublime as being one of their top five favorite bands, and dine at national fast-food chain White Castle at least once a week.

These new marijuana corsages, or “canna-wrists” as they are also known, are currently on sale for 25 dollars a gram, and are available in dozens of different varieties, from Blue Dancefloor and Golden Grind all the way to more potent types such as Trill Tux and Purple Limo. Canna-wrists are even available in all forms of edibles, including the standard brownie and sugar cookie, to name a few.

 “This way, if your date gets hungry and she is too busy sitting in the corner staring at the flashing lights, instead of going all the way over to the food table thing, there’s a snack right there on her wrist,” said Robinson. “It’s such a rad innovation. Hey, have you heard the new Queens of the Stone Age album?”

Denver Stapleton High School senior Scottie Bowen bought a canna-wrist for his prom date and girlfriend Christina Harley, who both met at a rasta clothing sale at Urban Outfitters.

“I just love Tina,” said Bowen. “And I just thought I’d be so cute if I got her a corsage symbolizing something we both love. Hey do you have any Cheetos?”

Bowen and Harley attended prom last Saturday at Denver’s historic Mile High Station. According to Harley, it was the most memorable four hours of random laughter and conspiracy theories she and her boyfriend have ever had in all of high school.

“Why is Lincoln’s head turned the wrong way on the penny?” asked Harley.

 

This is a satirical article and is not meant to be taken seriously.

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Spencer Kincaid is the Assignment Editor of RedEye and former staffer of RedEye and the Crimson Yearbook. He plans on studying business at the University of Louisville. He is a competitive bowler on Manual's team and enjoys playing rugby and Ultimate Frisbee. He can be found on Twitter @SpencerKincaid1 and on Instagram @sakincaid.