The dangers of carrying a purse

Tian Chan

A purse, n. A woman’s bag for carrying keys, a wallet, and other personal items; a handbag. The purse I’m currently sporting is a large black signature Coach purse, with gold accents. This purse happens to be my favorite, one that every high school girl covets, and one that took two full paychecks to afford. When someone pictures this handbag in his or her mind, he or she wouldn’t normally associate it with the words burden, hassle, or liability, right? I have done my research, and have pinpointed numerous scenarios that prove this innocent ‘purse’, perfectly embodies those words.

Imagine this: You are walking in to school, with a 20-pound bag impeding on just one of your weak shoulders. Of course, this automatically causes you to unknowingly walk with one shoulder higher then the other, thus making you look like a freaky ogre doting a huge flamboyant bag. You finally muster the strength to heave this bag on your shoulder, up the stairs, to the second floor. You sit down in class without knocking even one desk over—this is a good day. Now begins the dreaded ritual. The friend next to you asks for a bobby pin—so you being to shuffle for hours through papers, make-up, little fruitless pouches holding expired coupons, and random components of your lunch (the squashed banana, or the occasional perfume covered sandwich)—this situation is very comparable to finding a needle in a haystack. At last! You find a bobby pin and hand it to the unappreciative neighbor. You figure you deserve a reward, so you sink down in your chair and stealthy unwrap a piece of gum—no luck. The boy behind you has already clamored, “Can I have a piece?!” And you raise your head in dismay to 10 anxious hands jabbing at you.

Not to mention having a purse is like babysitting a child. All of your most valuable possessions are clustered in one spot—if you lose one, you’ve lost it all. This calls for extreme alertness, awareness of your surroundings, and occasionally the basic ninja skills. On top of that, there are a couple of times a week when you get to experience the mini-heart attack of looking down and your ‘baby’ not being where you left it. I don’t know which is worse, losing someone else’s child, or losing your purse filled with everything that makes you, you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of perks to owning a purse. If your make-up smears, you always have immediate access to a compact or eyeliner. If you chip your nail from just working too hard, nail polish and a filer are at your fingertips. And, if you happen to be the author of The Informed Argument, your favorite restaurant just might accept those expired coupons.

Purses are not all fun and games, but they’ve also proven to be very convenient when you need something the most. If you enjoy being able to move your arms freely, little commitment, and torturing yourself with the unpredictability of life, a purse may not be for you. If you are a natural born achiever, stay dedicated to this purse, treat it like you would a new born baby, and promise to fill it with anything you could ever need and more, you just may be able to tackle the infamous purse.