Cooper Walton

The one, the only, Leo Tobbe.

Prodigal son Leo Tobbe rejoined the RedEye staff last week after an invitation from Staff Advisor Vanessa Hutchison. Hutchison, a second-year teacher at duPont Manual High School, hurled a seismic blast through the national journalistic community with this invitation, requesting Tobbe write childish satire rather than reputable and relevant news.

“I honestly just don’t care anymore,” said Hutchison, signaling that Tobbe is a new glimmer of hope for the school paper.

Tobbe (12, J&C) says he actually left the paper in 2021 because it was, “kind of boring,” and “just lame,” including all of its various awards for outstanding journalistic work and hard-hitting local coverage.

In his new role as Head Satirist for Manual RedEye, Mr. Tobbe says he will write stories that “add absolutely no value to society whatsoever.” In fact, Tobbe expressed confusion over his position on the staff, saying he doesn’t “even know what [he is] doing here.” Needless to say, the American people are expecting great things from him.

Despite his glaring lack of expertise, Tobbe wears his title with pride as the staff anxiously awaits the publication of his first piece in years.

“He was on the staff for an entire year and I don’t think he did any work the entire time,” RedEye Editor in Chief Kaelin Gaydos (12, J&C) said. “He was always just playing games and making bad jokes.”

“There’s just something really off about that guy,” RedEye Multimedia Director Cooper Walton (12, J&C) said.

Some RedEye staffers even had trouble containing their excitement. “The first time I met him he shook my hand and just said I smelled like ‘updog.’ What does that even mean? How am I supposed to respond to that?,” staffer Jackson Jones (11, J&C) enthusiastically inquired.

When questioned about Tobbe’s reputation, Jackson Barnes (12, J&C), who is not on the staff and has no stake in this story, said, “Who?”

Regardless, Tobbe’s position on RedEye will certainly revolutionize the publication, signaling a new dawn for duPont Manual High School and the United States of America.