The United States Marine Corps headquarters announced last week that their beloved family dog, Fido, is missing. Officials say the incident occurred Sunday morning when an irresponsible young Marine left the door wide open for Fido to get out.
Since adopting the dog in 2015, the United States Air Force, Marine Corps and Navy, as well as British and Japanese military forces, have lost Fido a combined total of seven times. Although many experts consider Fido a failed project, the Marines say they just couldn’t stand to see him go.
Designed by Lockheed Martin, Fido is a highly advanced stealth fighter, undetectable by radar, capable of traveling with the lethal silence of the mighty wolf that came before him. This has caused headaches for officials in the nationwide search for Fido, but some optimistic Marines are impressed with his skillful evasiveness.
“We’ve been looking for days and we still can’t find him. I knew when we paid 100 million dollars for Fido that we were getting our money’s worth, but I never expected he would be this effective,” Marine Commander Waldo Klein said.
The hopeful search is expected to continue as the South Carolina’s finest Marines hang up ‘lost dog’ posters on stop signs and intend to draft a statement to go up on the neighborhood Facebook group if that loveable mutt isn’t found by the end of the week.
Cynical Air Force officers however, who once lost Fido before, believe the search is futile, arguing that the Marines should just “give up and get a new 100 million dollar malfunctioning dog,” since they have already gotten three new Fidos with relative ease.
Despite the disapproval of their ugly sky-rat cousins, the “always faithful” Marines know that with a little determination and oil-flavored dog treats, they can find and catch Fido before he starts crashing into suburban homes and grocery stores.
This is not a developing story. Do not watch for updates.
